Vaginismus as an involuntary muscular spasm of the pelvic floor muscles often experienced by a woman during love-making, in anticipation or during vaginal penetration. Vaginismus can vary in its severity. For some women it is mild where penetration is unpleasant or uncomfortable. For others it involves severe burning pain even when penetrating with a finger or a tampon.

Vaginismus has numerous causes. It can develop from unpleasant first-time intercourse, chronic urinary tract infections, vaginal infections, sexual abuse, postpartum complications, hormonal changes, years of unwanted intercourse or age-related changes such as menopause.

It can be incredibly frustrating for women to be unable to enjoy their love-life especially after the primary problem has been healed and resolved.

I struggled with vaginismus for about 7 years back in my 20’s. I spent years going from one medical doctor to the next seeking as solution. Just like other women, I wanted a quick fix – a pill, a surgery, a cream to fix it all and take me out of my misery. During these years I continued to force my body to heal faster than it naturally could while engaging in painful penetrative sex to please my partner.

Vaginal pain is an emotional trigger topic for most women.

Many carry this burden alone, in secret, struggling for years in their intimate relationships. Because of this, it can be hard to find a good therapist or information about the subject.

After years of emotional struggle and zero progress with medical doctors, I finally began a deep dive into the vaginal pain subject, trying to understand why my own vagina did not “trust me”. How come there was no magic pill to fix vaginismus?

I began to openly speak about my struggle with other women, scout the internet and seek out alternative healing therapies. It was then that I discovered the mind and body connection of vaginal pain, the powerful healing of yoni massage, body de-armouring, TRE therapy and conscious love-making.

Vaginismus is psychosomatic, meaning it affects both the body (pain) and the mind (fear). In basic terms, vaginismus means that the vagina is scared of being penetrated based on past negative experiences. She is clenched with fear and mistrust. Her “tightness” is a coping mechanism experienced during sexual stress. The vagina “armours” itself in order to protect itself from further pain.

If you are currently struggling with vaginal pain, please know that vaginismus is treatable and full recovery from it is absolutely possible!

The following books brought more clarity to me on how my body operates and why my vagina was clenched in fear during all those years. Learning how your body works, what makes it spasm in fear and how to release the trauma is an important step in your healing journey.

I hope this new knowledge will support you in your own healing:

In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness by Peter A Levine


Trauma Releasing Exercises (TRE): A revolutionary new method for stress/trauma recovery by David Berceli


Wild Feminine by Tami Lynn Kent


Women’s Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston


Tantric Orgasm for Women by Diana Richardson


I often support women who struggle with vaginal pain with my coaching and somatic bodywork. Feel free to email me any time to find out more about my sessions or just ask me a question.

Don’t be shy. I know how dark and lonely it can be dealing with vaginismus on your own.

You are not alone. We got this.

With so much love,

About the Author: Elena Rossi is the creator & founder of The Yoni Empire. She is a women’s Orgasm Coach, Sex Educator, pleasure toy designer, full-time writer and lover of all things pleasure-related. She writes shamelessly about eroticism, supporting women with overcoming sexual challenges and tapping into their pleasure potential. She is on a mission to nourish women, one orgasm at a time – connecting heart, body and mind. Follow her at @the_yoni_empire.

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